Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need water and some morals
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
