I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
