Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
