WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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