Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There's a naked man in my car right now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
