You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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