I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
