So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
