All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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