So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
