I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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