I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
