i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
