Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
