I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
