Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Farmville is her only friend.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
