so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
