it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
