i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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