Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
