Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
