and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
