I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
