The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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