i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
