At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
