Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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