Whoa Z and x make the same sound
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
