why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
