My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
