I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
