You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
