Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
