the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
