i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We are all done wearing pants today
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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