Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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