Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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