I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
