I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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