I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
