erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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