Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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