OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
