I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
