why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
