I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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