ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
