I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
