Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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