My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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