i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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