Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
