Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
