he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
