The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
