i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
